Keep the Day Job

I’ve just had a rejection letter from another agency to let me know that I should seriously consider keeping the day job that I don’t have. It was the usual: started out telling me how clear the plot is and how great the idea for the book is, but that unfortunately they’ll have to pass on it this time as it is total crap that nobody would ever read (and that, of course, is said in different words, because after all, words are their business).

I can’t say I blame them. The book is crap, but it has taken me a few years to realise how boring, badly written and disjointed it is. The dialogue is weak and the actual story is so twee and corny that it’s almost as bad as something by Cecilia Ahern.

Thing is though, I have to keep trying to get it published because if I don’t I won’t be able to justify my banal life.

There are things that are acceptable for writers to do, like spending two hours at the crossword, drinking too much coffee, going for lunch a lot, blowing social welfare payments on books and wearing silly hats. It’s because ‘I’m a wroiter’.

Luckily I have a lot of charitable friends who tell me that I’m really an undiscovered genius, so I tell myself that I am, and keep writing. They remind me that J.K. Rowling started out where I am, but I remind myself that I don’t have any wizards or dragons or vampires or anything in my books that people like reading about. And one other little incidental is that J.K. Rowling can actually write, and probably does write instead of doing crosswords and coffee and that sort of thing.

My novel goes like this: girl has life set out for her. Goes against plan. Gets into trouble. Wins out in the end. The end.

I’d accept being an undiscovered genius, but I need to get about €300k in order to buy my house, seeing as I’ll never be credit worthy enough to get a mortgage and I don’t want to be homeless. It’s my last hope.

So I’m thinking of a brand new novel. How about this: boy has life set out for him. Goes against plan…