Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Blame The Parents


I’ve been getting a bit of hate mail recently from a person by the name of anonymous.
Apparently my blog is neither funny, nor original, and I must say that I do very much agree with Mr/Mrs/Ms Anonymous because rereading my posts they are definitely non original sad person kind of blogs. Thing is, that’s what a lot of people get a laugh from.
Well on the subject of something not very original – having kids, it’s been a bad day.
What I just can’t stand are the tantrums. So I went down to the shop and grabbed a book called something like ‘teens and tantrums’. I’ve flicked through the whole thing but not a word of advice on how to stop having tantrums. It seems to be about families where the children have the tantrums and not the parents. I think that would be easy to deal with: just give them a clip across the ear and send them to their rooms. What I need is advice on how not to scream things like ‘you stupid imbecile’ at a child, while flinging various items to the floor before storming out and driving around the neighbourhood until I calm down.
See the one thing about having kids is that if I’d never had any I wouldn’t know all the things I’ve learnt from them that points to why I should never have had them. I’d never have known that I’m scab, clueless, a loser, a poohead, mean, unfair, and generally incompetent of any parenting related tasks. I also would not know that I am so fat, ugly and embarrassingly badly dressed that I should not park anywhere in the vicinity of my kids when picking them up. And thanks to my kids I now know that I know nothing, and even a genius like Socrates took years to find that out.
In a way I feel sorry for people who don’t have kids because think of all the things they don’t know about themselves…

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