Sunday, May 13, 2012


One of the things I'm going to do when I stop procrastinating and start being to the human race what superfoods are to hamburgers, is to write a dictionary where you can look up words and instead of getting the meaning of the word, you are given an explanation of what the word doesn't mean. I'll start with the word 'sorry', and explain to people that it doesn't mean 'excuse me can I get past you there', if you want to get past someone in a full pub. It also does not mean 'I didn't hear you, can you repeat that please'. I will also need to explain that you can't use the word unless you feel remorse or regret about what you are saying, so if you are one of the bouncers in Massimo's pub for example, saying 'Sorry love, you're too drunk to come in' you are using the word out of context. Unless, of course, the bouncer is truly sorry that he is unable to allow the inebriated lady access to the imbibing house. As I was personally involved in this encounter I believe that no, the bouncer was in no way remorseful of not letting me enter the premises.

Of course there are other words which are bigger offenders, but I'm not in the mood for giving out about the misuse of the word 'like'. You see, it'll be a short enough dictionary, as it won't contain every word, just the ones that annoy me, because after all, I am the centre of the universe.
Apart from my book I'll be working on other things. I'll be opening an online school teaching courses via webinar and I'll be finished the 17 day diet - it should be 15 but I had to go back to 'Go' and start all over again following an evening of having heterosexuals try to brainwash me into joining their congregation, being refused entry to a pub, sitting on a bench talking to someone I hardly know at about 4am when I knew that I'd have to be up with the larks rather than up before them. But the chips - I do regret that big bag of chips. But I'm sorry like, they were forced on me, so I have to start all over again. Sorry.

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